


Come On, Stand to my Left

by princelogical



Series: Queerplatonic Logince Verse [5]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, body negativity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 12:57:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13952040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princelogical/pseuds/princelogical
Summary: Roman’s hands freeze and Logan hears his breath catch. There is silence so tense that Logan feels it suffocating him. He fiddles with his pencils on his desk trying to control his breathing and keep himself from spiralling. Roman needs him right now.“I…” Roman’s voice catches. “I don’t know.”or.It must be exhausting, Logan thinks, for a man to hate himself as much as Roman does.





	Come On, Stand to my Left

Roman’s insecurities startle Logan. When they’re sitting side-by-side and Roman lets out an animal-like noise and tears apart the paper he’s been writing on for an hour, it startles Logan. When Roman stares in the mirror with utter contempt and disgust, it startles Logan. When Roman begs Thomas, along with Virgil, to delete a two-year-old video because it is “humiliating,” it startles Logan.

Roman is almost disconcertingly kind and reassuring to Logan about all of his insecurities, which Logan will deny to his grave for having. When Logan asks Roman if he’s sure he’s not bored, Roman teases him gently then reminds him that he’s never bored. When Logan asks if Roman’s sure Logan’s not hindering him, Roman makes some cheesy comment about how Logan does the opposite. When Logan questions Roman’s love, Roman doesn’t get angry; he meets Logan at his insecurities with more love than Logan can handle.

How Logan is to deal with the surplus of insecurities Roman has, he is absolutely uncertain to his core. Roman seems almost more hell-bent on hating himself than Virgil. He’s just more keen to hide it than Virgil is.

“What are you thinking about, Lo?” Roman asks softly, curling his arms around Logan’s stiff shoulders. Logan looks up from his desk to above him where Roman stands, wearing his usual beaming smile.

“Nothing of great importance or interest.”

Roman laughs. “Okay. You look a little… lost though.”

“I believe I might have stumbled into a predicament,” Logan admits. “I am sure I can solve it eventually.”

“I might be able to help,” Roman offers and begins kneading at the muscles in Logan’s back. Logan’s eyes flutter closed and he berates himself for not being more helpful to Roman when Roman is just… so willing to help him. In every aspect.

“Do you hate yourself?” Logan asks.

Roman’s hands freeze and Logan hears his breath catch. There is silence so tense that Logan feels it suffocating him. He fiddles with his pencils on his desk trying to control his breathing and keep himself from spiralling. Roman needs him right now.

“I…” Roman’s voice catches. “I don’t know.”

“You… often appear to.”

“I do?”

“Yes.”

“I’m… sorry?”

“I do not wish for your apologies,” Logan says with a frown. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why is there a possibility in your mind for you to hate yourself?” Logan rises from his seat, pushes it in, and turns to see Roman’s expression; he looks like a cornered animal.

“Why do we have to talk about this?” Roman asks desperately. “We can talk about… anything else. Space. Hell, freaking math or… or something else nerdy you like.”

“We should discuss our insecurities with each other,” Logan says. He hesitates. Then, he reaches out and grasps Roman’s hands into his. They’re shaking, he realises with alarm. Has he frightened Roman? This was likely a terrible idea.

“I don’t like to,” Roman says slowly. “Discuss them, that is.”

“We cannot always get what we like,” Logan teases with the slightest hint of a smirk. Roman smirks back. “However, if it truly makes you uncomfortable, we may… postpone this discussion.”

“I… Have these standards,” Roman admits finally after a few too many seconds of silence pass by. “They’re high.”

“Yes?” Logan urges gently.

“I never reach them,” Roman says and lowers himself down onto Logan’s bed with a sigh. Logan slips his hands away and sits beside Roman. “Ever. I try and try but I never am happy with anything I do. Or any of what I am.”

“Perhaps you set your standards too high,” Logan says and then immediately winces. He predicts the words before Roman even opens his mouth.

“You’re one to talk Mr. I’m Not Going To Bed Until I Finish This Schedule And Make It Absolutely Perfect With No Flaws, What-So-Ever-”

“Please stop,” Logan says with a deep sigh. “Your point has been taken into consideration.”

Roman rolls his eyes. “I need high standards or I won’t accomplish anything worthwhile.”

“I never said you had to bring your standards all the way to the ground. I am merely saying that, perhaps, you would benefit from creating more tangible goals.”

“Oh, yeah, coming from you-”

“Please stop,” Logan snaps. Roman recoils with a frown. Logan takes a deep breath and tries again. “I apologise for my outburst. However, I attempt often and consistently to get better. I make an effort to practice more self-care and I attempt to not overwork myself as often. You, however, do not appear to be trying. You just… seem content to drive yourself into the ground to the point of no return to simply prove yourself to… to… I have no idea!” Logan threw his hands up in frustration. “Thomas? The viewers?”

Silence.

“I am so so sorry,” Logan says and he’s aware he’s fumbling pathetically. “Roman, I shouldn’t have shouted-”

“You didn’t shout.”

“I raised my voice-”

“You barely raised your voice,” Roman says quietly.

“I-”

“Logan, stop. Everything you said was right.”

“I-”

“ _Stop_ apologising,” Roman says. Logan expects it to come out snappishly and it would be well deserved but Roman’s voice is soft and gentle. “You’re right. I don’t know why I do it. I want… I want to be good enough. I just don’t know who for.” Roman shrugs and Logan hates the motion because he looks like a defeated prince; exhausted and weary.

“Roman…” Logan swallows the lumps in his throat and the apologies. “We’re gonna figure it out. Together.”

Roman nods. “Yeah.” Tears stream down Roman’s face.

“Yeah. And. And- you’re gonna get better. We have time. I understand self-confidence is a tricky topic I cannot even begin to fully understand. But we are going to… work together and try.”

“I hate myself,” Roman admits with a sob. “I don’t want to. It’s miserable.”

“It… must be,” Logan says quietly and he grasps Roman’s hand. “You are a perfectionist. So am I.”

Roman snorts. “Ya think?”

“I am saying… this is something neither of us has to do alone. We have each other.”

“How cheesy,” Roman quips. “Isn’t that my job?”

Logan nudges him. “Perhaps. I am sorry for confronting you as I did.”

“I’m sorry I made you feel like you had to put it off for so long.”

Logan sighs and leans into Roman’s side. “Let’s agree to forgive each other.”

Roman presses a kiss into Logan’s hair. “Deal.”

**Author's Note:**

> *deep sigh* I’m projecting again, aren’t I? I recommend listening to the song “Swamp” by Us Baby Bear Bones. I got a lot of my inspiration to finish from that song. + it’s a beautiful and wistful song.
> 
> P.S. This is my 100th work on AO3. That's nuts. :P


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